Afraid to See

9:59 PM, in


I have been going to therapy and it has been eye-opening and challenging. In one of my sessions, I said that I was "afraid to see myself as the woman that God is calling me to be." This was brought up in the topic of my future and being able to dream. Since my therapist read the statement back to me "afraid to see" it has stuck with me. I have a hard time dreaming again and or seeing again. I admire people who can dream about their futures authentically and communicate those dreams to others. There is so much resistance when I try to see, that I just don't see or dream.

I had a thought pop into my mind. What happens when the intercessor is hurting? What happens if they are bleeding while serving? Who is covering the one who feels burdened to pray for everyone else? When they need to be covered, who is covering them?

In my devotion time, I was encouraged by some scriptures that I want to dive into! Lately, God has been reconnecting me to his word. Sometimes it gets hard to read and study the word daily. No lie it gets tough to be consistent but once I realized that God is not looking for perfection but dedication and connection I have been focusing on that more.


First off,

My bad. My fault. Sorry. I neglected this blog hard. I can get into why later but for now I want to wish yall a HAPPY NEW YEAR!! *crickets...side eye* Better late than never right?

This time of year is filled with so much reflection and this desire to set up some goals. I have been in this space since December which is new for me honestly. Usually, I just end the year and go into the new year with zero goals or reflection. I hated facing the fact that I barely did anything all year. I felt like I wasted the year so why reflect then feel like trash. Well, this year God had other plans! I thank God he nudged on my heart early in December and postured my heart in prayer. I entered 2022 differently and I am unable to shake what God is doing in this season. So grateful.

Lately, I have been more aware of how I internalize my emotions. I have always internalized things as a child and it’s still an issue today. In my time of prayer and fasting, I felt the Lord present a question to me. “Why do other people’s behaviors get to you so deeply?” Then I thought, “Why do you internalize so much?” Sometimes it gets to a point where I literally feel sick in my body. I realized I really take how people feel about me to heart.

The word of God illustrates the type of life that Glorifies God. Welcome to Part 2 of breaking down Romans 12:9-21 where we can see practical ways we can live to honor God and bear much fruit. I will say this has me looking at the condition of my heart with these scriptures.


Romans 12:9-21 is jam-packed with expectations of how a Christian should live. This is the fruit of an abiding, planted, faith-filled believer in Jesus Christ. Reading these scriptures has me wondering if my life looked anything like the pages of my Bible.