There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV
Some books in the Bible just hit differently than others. Ecclesiastes will always be the book that humbles us and keeps our priorities straight. These scriptures in particular help us to realize just how intentional God is when it comes to our lives. Everything serves a purpose. Everything has a specific season. Each season teaches us something new about ourselves and provides deeper revelation about God. I would like to think that my first question to God is "what are you teaching me in this season?" But instead, my heart raises questions like "what are you doing and why ME?" Life has many twists and turns, but God does not leave us unprepared. Although it sure feels like it sometimes, especially when circumstances hit us out of nowhere.
I am on an interesting journey where I am facing things that I swept away for so long. I have come to a place in my faith and my life where I cannot continue until I deal with some of the baggage I have accumulated over the years. Nothing bad. Just things that are real and that raise many questions within me. I have a habit of carrying more than I am supposed to carry. I ruminate on thoughts that I should've laid at the feet of Jesus. Questions I was ashamed to ask and thoughts I was afraid to unpack. This season feels like A TIME OF AWARENESS, becoming aware of where I am and where I need to be.
This is scary. It's scary because I had to admit that the bulk of my relationship with God was dependent on some level of performance. I was genuine, but I showed up as versions of myself that I felt God would accept. I "hid" the messy, flawed parts of me and gave him versions that were not real to who I was at the time. Then guess what God did? He called me out on my bluff and demanded that I bring it all and stop performing. Y'all, I said If I can't do what I have been doing, then I don't know what else to do. When I get in this space, I tend to just isolate myself from God. I did this for years. The more I became aware of my brokenness, the longer I stayed away. People couldn't tell because I played the part really well, but God knew where I was.
The more the years progressed...
The more circumstances arose...
The more experiences I had...
It came to a point where I declared enough is enough. Now I am embracing this journey of disentangling my faith and healing my relationship with God. Now all I have are these broken pieces that need repair and the baggage that I call disappointment that I need to sift through. No one tells us how to properly deal with feeling deep disappointment in God when life doesn't go as planned. It's almost as if there is this quiet rule that we should never allow ourselves to feel disappointment with God. We should always be happy with everything God allows, no matter if we disagree. I am learning that's not true. I am learning to bring my disappointment to God and be honest about the contents of my heart. I can't hide anyway; I might as well cast my cares on Him for the simple fact that He cares for me.
So, let's make this a series called "A Time for Everything" where I share my questions and experiences and how I am getting through arguably the toughest season of my life when it comes to my faith. Grab a chair and some snacks, maybe a fun little drink, and let's dive into these sensitive topics together.
Has life been testing your faith lately? How are you moving through those rocky moments?
Please share below!
Thank you for reading!
Jesus loves you so much.
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